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Sharing an honest opinion about someone else’s writing can be tricky when your reaction is negative. How can you offer your impressions thoughtfully, tactfully, and respectfully?

The other day I walked into my husband’s office in my bathrobe, a clay mask and silicone under-eye masks on my face, wearing a thermal cap on my head as I deep-conditioned my hair.

I posed in the doorway. “Do you think I look beautiful?” I asked, batting my eyelashes.

Without missing a beat, he smiled and said, “I always think you look beautiful.”

I was in fact not beautiful at that moment, well down the road on my little mini spa treatments, but the hubs chose to answer in a way that was honest in the big picture, rather than specific to that situation (wisely avoiding a minefield). It was a true statement, but framed in a way that wasn’t hurtful.

Sometimes, friends, as authors who are likely surrounded by plenty of writer pals and colleagues who will want, hope, or expect you to read their work, you are going to have to offer your thoughts about it.

But what happens if you hate it?

This is when it’s useful to understand how to offer your opinion in a way that’s authentic and supportive, without disparaging the author or their work.

How to Be Honest without Being Hurtful

I’m not talking about when you’re serving as a beta reader or critique partner for another author (you can see my guidelines on giving helpful feedback here, and how to process and utilize it here), or are asked to offer a blurb.

And I’m also not specifically referring to reviewing other authors’ work (though the suggestions can apply to reviews). That’s a loaded topic for another post, given the common expectation that writers leave nothing but five-star reviews for fellow writers. (Though I do recommend if you really hate a book—by a friend or otherwise—not leaving a review at all. What does it serve? As an author it’s bad juju.)

But if your opinion is not being solicited as a tool for an author in revising their work—in other words, if a story is already finalized or published—then it can be helpful to know how to frame your thoughts through a positive lens, even if you didn’t like the story.

Nothing is served by doing otherwise: If an author’s book is already out there the last thing they want to hear is where it falls short for you. This is where “brutal honesty” has no real upside: The author can’t change the story, feelings and possibly your relationship will be hurt, and you may find yourself fodder on a Reddit “Am I the asshole?” thread.

But lying about what you thought usually serves no good purpose either; it feels phony (likely to you both) and undermines the trust between you. If you blow the smoke of empty praise, your opinion is worse than meaningless; it’s misleading. And that’s not solid ground that healthy relationships are built on.

Instead, take a page from my husband and base your feedback in truth. Tell the author what appealed to you about their story, rather than offering up what didn’t.

In better than thirty years working on literally thousands of manuscripts, I have yet to find one that doesn’t have positive attributes, so I’m pretty confident you won’t encounter some irremediably bad story with nothing good going for it. Find what is. You’d want someone to do that for you—and tearing down someone’s house does nothing to help them build back better.

Don’t be transparent

You have to be careful that your oblique compliments don’t sound like euphemistic or veiled insults. I’ve told the story about an actor friend of mine who, upon seeing an independent film I’d cowritten, coproduced, codirected, and costarred in, handed the screener tape (yeah, this was a while ago) back to me with the words, “You did it. You really did it!” (It was even funnier in his Russian accent, if you’d like to read it that way in your mind.) Another friend said to me after a performance, “It was so great seeing you up onstage!”

Most people pick right up on what you’re not saying, and it’s more insulting to couch it in such transparent terms: “I’ve never read anything quite like that.” “I know how hard you worked on this.” “Wow, that was something!”

If you can’t do a bit better than that and find a single genuinely positive thing to say, you may not be looking deeply or clearly enough—which leads us to:

Zoom in

Even in the stories that may leave you cold, if you look closely enough you can undoubtedly find something positive to offer. Listen, I squandered two excruciating hours of my life watching The Lobster, and I can still tell you it had a fascinating premise, intriguing imagery, and gorgeous cinematography.

Is the premise intriguing, irresistible, original, thought-provoking? Are the characters in relatable, high-stakes situations that really resonated for you? Is the setting painted vividly and realistically, making the world of the story feel real?

“I really loved the scene where…” “I loved when the protagonist…” “The plot really kept me guessing.”

The author does not need to know the unspoken parts: that the other scenes did not resonate for you, or you weren’t drawn to any of the other characters, or the plot kept you guessing because you could not figure out what the hell was going on.

If you’re still floundering, try the opposite approach:

Zoom out

Like my husband did with me—he does find me beautiful, so his answer was fully honest and authentic to the larger reality, if not to that specific moment—your author friends are much more than a single story.

Compliment the author on a big-picture level—what you think they’re great at, for instance, or compliment their body of work, or how much you like various aspects of their writing: “I always love how your characters feel like wholly original creations; they’re so distinctive, it’s a terrific hallmark of your work.” “Your stories have such strong voice; it draws the reader right in.”

Lean into subjectivity

The key concept to keep in mind when someone solicits your opinion is that it’s your opinion. Like all of us, your judgment is subjective and your word is not gospel. You are simply sharing how you reacted to someone’s story, how it affected you. Even with a book you hated, it’s okay to simply say it wasn’t your usual style.

It’s fine to say, “This is not a genre I generally read,” or “This is not the kind of story I gravitate to,” but again…find the positive: “…but I found the characters well written and the ideas thought provoking and impactful.” Just as it’s not going to accomplish anything good to answer a question like “How do I look?” with “Pretty shitty, actually,” no one is served by denigrating their work. 

In fact think how you might answer a question like that if you didn’t think your friend or loved one was looking their best on that day: “That’s not my favorite outfit on you, but the color is gorgeous with your eyes,” for instance.

The person gets what they needed, which is an honest opinion from you, but in a way that isn’t hurtful and allows them to stay open to the input and make their choice accordingly. (Ask my husband how long I stubbornly wore the brown mules he disparaged as my “nun shoes” or my “clogs,” because they were comfortable and I liked them.)

This is undoubtedly a reason agents offer formulaic phrases like “I’m not the right agent for this” or “It just didn’t grab me as much as I wanted it to.” First off, they genuinely understand how subjective the business is and like all of us they are seeking stories that resonate for them.

But second, most industry professionals are not in the business of discouraging authors, which they know unvarnished negative feedback might do. (And remember rejections are subjective too; ask all the authors who queried multiple agents and publishers before going on to have successfully published books.)

Read more: "Handling Rejection: What Rejection Letters Mean--and Don't Mean"

Ask for guidance

What if you offer something gentle and the writer continues to ask for more feedback? One way to skirt being pushed to an uncensored pan is to ask specifically what they’re wondering about, what part of the story they especially wanted to know your thoughts on. When they tell you, find the positive and offer your genuine opinion but in the most tactful of terms.

“I did suspect who the murderer was pretty early in, but it was still fun watching the protagonist relentlessly sleuth out clues,” or, “I didn’t feel like I had a lot in common with the character, but it was still interesting seeing how she reacted to situations I can’t imagine being in.”

And don’t forget the easiest way to avoid offering a hurtful opinion:

Say nothing

Too often we offer an opinion when none is solicited or needed. And look, folks, I give opinions for a living and by nature, so I get that it’s hard to step outside the framework of our own perspective and judgments. But, as I sometimes tease my mom when she’s shall we say overzealous with her personal opinions, it’s okay just to think things on the inside and not say them out loud.

In my work as an editor and educator, I will generally simply not use or talk about books I’ve read that I have found wanting in some area (with apologies to Dan Brown and Kevin Kwan, for whom I make occasional exceptions because they are far too successful and famous and rich and accomplished to care about the likes of me, and frankly sometimes you just need someone to serve as a punchline. But never punch down!).

This business is smaller than you think; denigrating another author’s work—even in what you may think is a discreet way or with “safe” listeners—might easily get back to them. Trash-talking someone else’s work doesn’t paint the writer in a bad light—in paints you in one.

If you truly have nothing nice to say…keep it to yourself.

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And don’t forget the easiest kind of feedback of all, which any author would be happy to hear: “This is such an accomplishment.” “I’m so happy for you and you must be so proud. “I hope it’s a huge success.” “I bet your readers love it.”

Because all that is true: Even if a story isn’t hitting on all cylinders for you, it is an incredible accomplishment to have written one, one the vast majority of people who say they want to write never actually achieve. If somebody continues to work on that story to hone it and make it better? Even rarer and more of an accomplishment.

Don’t denigrate those efforts; celebrate them.

Let me hear it, authors—how do you think an author should handle being asked what they thought of another author’s work if they didn’t like it? Have you been on the receiving end of negative, unkind, or poorly disguised empty praise—and if so, how did you feel about it?

FoxPrint Editorial helps writers strengthen their manuscripts through developmental editing, education, and practical writing guidance. Explore more articles on revision, storytelling, and the publishing process.

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