Intuitive Author and Intuitive Editing by Tiffany Yates Martin

Lessons from an Unexpected Wedding

Lessons from an Unexpected Wedding

Lessons from an Unexpected Wedding

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A few months ago, while staying with my mom in Georgia for the wedding of my niece, the morning after the ceremony I overheard my mom say quietly in the next room to her longtime partner, “Do you think we should get married?”

This was startling to hear: Though they have been together for 21 years, so long and so happily that her partner is part of our family and we call him our fauxther (our fake father), they’d always said they had no need to get married. They met in their sixties, having already created families and full lives of their own, and are both in their eighties now.

But it took me only a microsecond to grab my phone and hustle into the adjacent room, to find my mom standing in front of the desk where my fauxther was grinning like a fool.

“Should I be recording this?” I asked excitedly. “Is this a proposal?”

Reader, it was.

5 Lessons and the Wedding

I learned a lot from this unexpected and wonderfully joyful event that applies in life and in writing, and wanted to share some of it.

It’s never too late for something that makes you happy

Later in the afternoon of the unexpected proposal, my mom and I were out shopping together when she asked hesitantly, “Do you think it’s ridiculous to get married at our ages?”

“Hell, no,” I said. “I think it’s awesome.”

My brother agreed, and we got busy quickly putting together a wedding for them, which we celebrated over this past holiday.

If you want to write, write. If you dream of publishing, dream it—and then do it, regardless of how old you are when you start. There is no expiration date on creativity.

Whether you have begun writing yet or just dream of it, whether you have finished something or not, shared it with others or not (whether via traditional publishing or any other way) there’s no such thing as too late. If you want to write, write. If you dream of publishing, dream it—and then do it, regardless of how old you are when you start. There is no expiration date on creativity.

Ask for what you want

My mom is a traditional lady, not one you would expect to buck convention and propose.

But she’d also realized, seeing the joy and celebration of my niece’s wedding, that she wanted to be married to my fauxther before they died, as she puts it. He wouldn’t have asked—she’d told him years ago that she had no interest in marrying again. And so she did the asking.

If you don’t ask for what you want, you may never get it—and you may never know how others may feel either. When Mom asked, Fauxther lit up like a candle and gave her an instant yes. “I never thought this would happen,” he confided to me later.

Ask for the time and support you need for your writing—if you don’t you may never find out that your family and friends may be eager to help you achieve your goals. Ask for the representation you want, the publisher you want, the contract terms you want, the money you want. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.

Make meaning in a way that is meaningful to you

My parents wanted to keep the ceremony small, intimate, and personal. They didn’t want a huge event or a giant group of people, just a handful of family at their home, with a simple “reception” afterward that my brother and I put together. We repeatedly offered fancier options, but this was what they wanted, what made them happy. And that was the only thing that mattered.

No other yardsticks for your writing really matter other than what fulfills you and gives the work meaning to you. Ultimately it’s the only thing about this pursuit within your control.

The same goes for your writing and your writing career. Write the stories that are meaningful to you. Pursue the path that feels right for you—trad publish, indie publish, self-pub, or don’t publish at all. No other yardsticks for your writing really matter other than what fulfills you and gives the work meaning to you. Ultimately it’s the only thing about this pursuit within your control.

Take time for yourself and the people you care about

I tend to keep a brisk work schedule, but this holiday season, especially with the wedding and all the planning that went into it, and even the “postproduction” work of creating a wedding album and editing their video, I let myself do less work-wise without guilt or trying to frantically make up for it. These are the memories I’m creating that will matter to me when I look back on my life, not whether I fit in a little more work or made a little more money.

Your writing matters, but so does your health, your mental well-being, time to recharge, people (and animals!) you care about, and activities you love. Make time for those even as you regularly set aside time for your writing. They are just as important—perhaps even more so.

Celebrate joy anywhere and anytime you find it, no matter what else may be happening

There were loved ones missing from the ceremony, from distance, death, and even family rifts. But we focused on those who were there and the joy we found in sharing the occasion. World events rage on, with war and violence and suffering, polarization and rancor, political strife and danger to democracy, and despite the feelings of grief and pain and even despair these current events may engender, for that weekend we simply celebrated hope and light and love.

Remember what really matters. My family and I, as I have written about here, are diametrically opposed ideologically and politically, and it has created tension and distance in the past. But none of that mattered over the weekend, when we gathered together and celebrated not just my parents’ long-delayed vows, but Christmas and the many December birthdays in our family. We genuinely took joy in all the things we love about each other and celebrated this unique and happy event, and the thought of all the areas where we may differ didn’t even enter into any of it.

At one point on her wedding day, my mother said in wonder, “Except for the days when you children were born, this is the happiest day of my life.” The smile on my fauxther’s face when he heard it was luminous. After the ceremony we presented him with a signed “Certificate of Official Family Status,” formally conferring the title of stepfather, and I don’t know whether we kids, my mom, or my brand-new stepfather enjoyed the gesture more.

We will surely face hard times again. But for those magical few days, we simply relished the unmitigated pleasure of the occasion and one another’s company. We were there together. We were healthy. We were happy.

The world may be scary, uncertain, disturbing. It can be dark sometimes. Let what you create bring the light.

Don’t dwell in perceived shortcomings or “failures” from the past, or anxiety about the future. Celebrate where you are now, all the wins in your writing, big and small. You published your novel? Became a bestseller or won an award? Made your day’s word count? Sat down at your desk and opened a WIP file? Huzzah, bring the champagne for all of it. Every step along the path is farther than you were before, and you created something today that didn’t exist yesterday.

That’s all we can do in the world, just try to put something good into it day by day, a little at a time, as best as we’re able. It matters, and it’s enough.

Happy New Year, friends. Thank you for being part of my writing community. I wish you joy and light in 2024 and beyond.

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