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One of my oldest friends is a master at the art of gift giving. For the entire duration of our many-decade friendship, she has always sent me unexpected, unusual items I would never have found or bought for myself, but which ended up being something I not only loved but continued to buy myself:

• creamy, thick embossed notecards that were impossibly elegant and that I’ve replenished for myself ever since (my husband still teases me that the first thing I did after we got married was to order new stationery with my new name).
• Penzeys spices, which opened up my appreciation for using dried spices because Penzeys flavors were so much more intense and complex than any of the grocery-store variety I’d used to that point, and which are now the only spices we buy.
• fancy olive oil that woke up my palate to how its subtle flavors could complement and add to a dish.
• satin pajamas that made me feel like a Hollywood starlet even just lounging around at home
• beauty products I’ve never heard of that wound up being my ongoing staples after she discovered them for me.

I’ve always wanted to be that kind of gift giver, someone who could find just the perfect thing for just the perfect person: something they had wanted but wouldn’t buy themselves, or maybe something they didn’t even know they wanted until they had it, but couldn’t figure out how they lived without afterward.

Alas, apparently I have no gift for gift giving. Oh, I try. And with some people I know particularly well, family and close friends, often I can hit the mark. But for nearly two decades my husband has been the toughest nut to crack. There was the year right after we met that I bought him an Arduino open-source electronics hardware/software program he said he’d always wanted when he was younger and never got, and while he was touched at the thought, he gently informed me that he’d lost the hankering. The drone I thought he’d love and we returned.

In his defense I’m no easier. We’ve each had a win or two, like the sous vide cooker I bought him that we still use on the regular, or the weighted blanket he bought me that I find it hard to sleep without, but for the most part what we finally realized is that we are at the age where if we want something we’ve probably already gotten it for ourselves, and we’re both pretty particular.

And we’re also at the age where we just want less “stuff” in our lives, so over the years we’ve agreed that gifts just aren’t that important to us, and we’d much rather have experiences together. Little by little most of my family and friends have come to that same way of thinking—we’ve “un-gifted” the holidays.

But at this time of year many of us still want to show some of our nearest and dearest our love in the form of gift-giving, and in that spirit I wanted to suggest some of my favorite holiday “un-gift” ideas for the writers in your life, including you, because the holidays are lovely time to also show yourself some love.

But since we’re writers let’s start with books, that most magical combination of tangible item (even if electronic) and meaningful experience, one that can have the most lasting of impacts. Here are my favorites that I think are indispensable for authors even though they aren’t (overtly) about writing:

Rest by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang

As much as I love all the books on this list, there was no question this would be the first one on it—not because they’re ranked in order of preference or because this is my number one favorite, but for the message it imparts that I think writers especially need to remind themselves of: that writing, as important as it is to us, isn’t life, and that rest is as important a part of the process as is work.

That’s especially important to remember amid so many messages about setting a strict writing schedule and never straying from it, or pushing toward relentless goals like word counts or deadlines or book release rates. I’m deeply goal-oriented, achievement-driven, and ambitious, and this book reminded me that relentless, constant effort isn’t the most productive approach to the work I love. Rest is as essential as effort, the other side of the coin, what refills the creative well, gives us perspective and objectivity that can fuel our creativity, and allows our brains the space to expand and explore.

Contrary to the fears many of us have—that rest implies or causes laziness—it’s just the opposite: It can be one of the most powerful forces in motivating and inspiring your work. Permission to rest—to turn off, to take time for ourselves—is one of the most useful gifts you can offer a fellow creative (or anyone).

Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman

The older I get, the more mindful I seem to be of the finite time we have on Earth. Burkeman’s title is a ticking-clock reminder of that: It’s the duration of the average life span. (How sobering is that, especially in those weeks that feel like they just tick away or fly by?) But this isn’t another productivity guide telling you how to cram more into your days, manage your time, or multitask more effectively—instead it helps you be more mindful of how you’re spending this finite, precious time we’re given, not fill it with busy-ness. A great companion book with Rest.

Deep Work by Cal Newport

It’s a bit of a cliché to recommend this to authors (or anyone) at this point, but it’s as good as the hype, and as relevant and useful as you’ve heard. I like not just the practical suggestions for how to give yourself more of the concentrated focus we need for our creative work, but the reasons why it matters…and how it encourages you to take your work seriously and honor the time you dedicate to it.

Among the many excellent strategies I put into practice after reading this was turning off all my phone notifications and leaving it not just silent, but in another room when I’m working—studies show that even a phone that’s turned off can impede focus if it’s within sight. The peace and concentration this has allowed me was worth reading the book all on its own—but you’ll find much more of value in its pages.

Getting to Yes/Getting to Yes with Yourself by William Ury

Ury is one of my “rock stars,” someone I’d both love to meet and would go all starstruck if I did. Getting to Yes is a 25-year-old classic on the topics of negotiation and diplomacy, Ury’s field (he is a high-profile global negotiator in some of the world’s most intractable conflicts and a founder of the famed Harvard Program of Negotiation), and the follow-up title applies the same principles to our own psyche and behavior and mindset.

I find these books—and all Ury’s books, including his latest, Possible—to be brilliant reminders and guides for how to communicate successfully with others, how to see all sides of an issue, how to manage our own knee-jerk emotional responses that may damage interrelations and keep us from attaining what we want.

For authors, it’s a great foundation for developing layered and faceted character communication, conflict, and motivations and goals. But it’s also invaluable in learning skills for negotiating rates and terms with agents, editors, conference organizers, writing outlets and orgs, etc.

Company of One by Paul Jarvis

Jarvis is an author and entrepreneur who, for most of his career, has operated as a sole proprietor—a company of one. Being an author can be a lonely business—and it is a business, your own personal company of one. Jarvis’s insightful book offers validation for that organizational structure that reminds us that our one-person show isn’t just some little hobby we piddle at (unless it is for you—and that’s entirely valid). It’s a viable enterprise that deserves and demands that we take it—and ourselves—seriously and approach it like a business…but also never lose sight of why the work actually matters: to be part of creating a fulfilling, satisfying life.

Atomic Habits by James Clear

I resisted the hype on this one for a long time—and I’m not really a 7 Habits of Highly Effective People kind of person. But when my personal trainer, who is a like-minded person in his approach to his business and life, recommended it full-throatedly, I broke down and checked it out, and I’m glad I did.

If you have no other takeaway, the “two-minute” suggestion is worth this book’s price alone: the idea that if there’s something specific you want to make into a habit (like writing! or marketing!), commit to doing it for just two minutes a day. It’s ludicrous to come up with excuses why you can’t spare two minutes, so it breaks that barrier to beginning that so often stands in our way, and it makes turning intention into action a habit. Plus, it’s the rare person who won’t keep going after those two minutes are up. This experiment was how I finished my last book during the busiest year of my creative life—but the book is rich with other suggestions for turning the actions you want to develop into regular habits.

Compassion and Self-hate by Theodore Rubin

I hate the title of this book, but I love the contents so much I’ve likely read it literally dozens of times, my copy heavily dog-eared and sticky-noted and highlighted and living permanently on my nightstand so I can refer to specific sections when my demons come to call and I need to remember how to handle them. And I’ve given away countless copies to friends too.

This is one of the books that has had a profound impact not only on me and my life, but on my writing—it’s filled with insights into character (aka human) behavior, psychology, evolution, and interaction, as well as all the many misapprehensions we can internalize that get in our own way (aka your character’s wounds, obstacles, and struggles).

Feeling Good by David Burns

This is perhaps the best-known handbook for cognitive behavioral therapy, and another book that has had a powerful impact on my life, for many of the same reasons as the Theodore Rubin book. What I love about it for authors is how it so clearly breaks down the most common misconceptions—“cognitive distortions”—that create mental unrest and strife in our lives, wrongly inform our thinking, and keep us stuck in unhealthy patterns, and offers practical ways to rationally respond to those errors in thinking to allow ourselves to reach our highest potential—helpful not only in wrangling the writer demons, but in creating character arc. Another life-changer for me.

The Lost Art of Listening by Michael P. Nichols

Another book I frequently reread, this one helps us understand that communication has much more to do with how we hear than what we say, and offers practical, actionable ways to improve our listening skills. Not only does this help our personal relationships (it transformed mine), but it makes us better at understanding others—which makes us better at developing three-dimensional, nuanced characters. It’s also a great way to understand and learn how to utilize in our writing key character dynamics like subtext, communication, relationships, and dialogue.

How to Know a Person by David Brooks

Full disclosure—I have not yet read this book, but it’s been on my wish list for a while (and if it doesn’t happen for the holidays for me, it’s next on my to-buy list). It landed there after I read this article by the author, David Books, a columnist for the New York Times. I loved what he had to say about relationships, and how we evolve as people, and the impact the influences in our lives have on our character makeup—all so relevant for authors in learning to create fully fleshed characters and relationship dynamics. And on a personal level, I am a fan of anything that helps us understand and communicate with one another; I think it’s the only way we can fix all that seems broken in our world.

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While this list isn’t about books on writing, I’m going to break my self-imposed rule to suggest two of my time-honored, most recommended favorite craft books:

If You Want to Write by Brenda Ueland

Even though this book focuses on writing, I first read it when I was in acting school in New York City, assigned by our acting teacher as a handbook to accessing authentic creativity and voice. And oh, how it does that. The book is nearly 100 years old now—first published in 1938—and utterly timeless. And Ueland herself was extraordinary, especially for her time: a journalist, editor, writer, and teacher of writing. I still reference her book when I teach about finding and freeing your author voice. If You Want to Write will help you dig deeper than easy, superficial writing and tired clichés and find your own vision and voice—and reconnect you with the pure joy of creating.

Stein on Writing by Sol Stein

This is probably the book that has influenced my own writing and editing the most. A clear, straightforward, practical, comprehensive guide to every element of storytelling, written by a master editor to some of literature’s top writers (and a bestselling author himself) at the top of his game. Another timeless title that should be in every writer’s library.

More un-gifting ideas for writers:

• Buy and donate books to kids’ organizations, or writers’ groups that support them. Books can change kids’ lives, and too many can’t afford books of their own, or can’t find ones they want anymore in their schools or libraries. Here in Austin, through their Reading Rock Stars program our Texas Book Festival brings in authors to visit schools and gives away copies of their books. A quick online search should yield similar programs in your area—or donate to or through Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library program. 
• Stock Little Free Libraries with banned books (you can find a list of them here).
• Donate to help teachers with educational needs in their classrooms: This spreadsheet from TIBAL of teacher wish lists lets you search by state and read exactly what teachers need, with handy links to their Amazon pages (h/t Emily Amick).
• Donate pet-care and training books to animal shelters to educate pet owners, help with adoption success and retention, or encourage people to adopt more challenging animals. I just sent 25 copies of animal behaviorist/dog trainer Patricia McConnell’s book Love Has No Age Limit to our local shelter, in the hopes that it would encourage more potential pet owners to consider and adopt older dogs.
• Volunteer with a reading/literacy program. There are programs in schools, libraries, prisons, senior living facilities—a search in your hometown should yield opportunities (if not, check www.volunteermatch.org and choose Education and Literacy under Filters to find listings). I used to participate in a child literacy program where the kids read to volunteers’ dogs, which helped keep them interested and focused. Reading opens up the world, and the time and attention you give to someone while doing it can mean the world.
• Give the precious gift of time to a writer friend. If you can spare the time yourself, why not offer to take something off their plate so they can write: child care, errands, commitments, etc.?

Happy gift-giving, friends—and the happiest of holidays.

Over to you, authors: Please share your favorite gift ideas for the literary-minded! Feel free to include your favorite writing and craft books, or other tangible items. And I’d love to her your favorite gifts you’ve ever received or given too—I’m always on the lookout for wonderful new discoveries.

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